Crack in the Fourth Wall
by Malcolm75k
Summary: Naruto makes a deal with the Kyuubi no Kitsune to attain his dream, but is it what he really wants?
1. Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Naruto, any of the characters, or any of the fanfics I may or may not be hinting at in this story. This is a work of dark humor in parts, and as such should be read in a manner of one with tongue stuck firmly in cheek.

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"I'm going to be Hokage some day! I am! Why won't they believe me?"

Naruto came to a stop in the forest. It was not as if the seven year old wanted to stop, but rather that the tears in his eyes made him unable to see well enough to continue. The cuts and bruises from the rocks the mob had been hurling were already beginning to close and fade, but the pain still remained like a phantom haunting the scene of its death. He paused only to quickly wipe his eyes before punching a nearby tree.

"I'm going to become Hokage, then they won't be able to hurt me! They will have to recognize me! Respect me!"

**"Is that what you want? To become Hokage? To be respected?"**

With the coming of the voice, Naruto's world wavered, the trees going blurry. A warm hand clenched his heart, causing it to skip a beat uncomfortably, and his own hand shot to his chest. Spinning, he searched for the speaker.

"Who is that? Where are you? If you try anything..."

**I only want to talk. You won't find me out there, you damn brat. Close your eyes and look inside.**

"I don't understand. Who are you?"

**"Just close your damn eyes."**

Naruto closed his eyes hesitantly, and with a rush of dark vertigo, the void spun around him like a thousand starry nights passing all in an instant. As the world staggered to a halt around him, the boy found himself standing in a large, empty space paved with rough-hewn flagstones. Before him rose a large iron gate, like the door of a prison cell stretching upwards into nothing. A dim orange glow came from the other side of this gate, the only source of illumination in the space. Two eyes, like huge yellow searchlights, snapped open in the darkness and a deafening clang filled the air as a huge, black paw batted at the cell door.

Naruto fell back, screaming in terror.

**"And something like you wants to be Hokage?"** The tone was mocking, and it cut through Naruto's terror, replacing it with anger.

"Yes, me! I will be Hokage!"

A dark chuckle was his response.

**"That's more like it, though it still doesn't fill me with respect and awe."**

"Shut up! Who are you? What is this place? Why am I here?"

**"Right to the point. Excellent. Such a bright child."** Kyuubi smirked at the way the boy preened at the praise. **"This place is the Interface; a construct in your own mind that gives us a place to talk. You are here because we both want something and if we work together, we can both get what we want. As to who I am, let me enlighten you as to the nature of our conjoined fates. I am Kyuubi, lord of the demons, the nine-tailed fox, and you, Uzumaki Naruto are my jailer."**

"No way. You're lying."

**"Why would I lie? What good would it do me? You can see the cell for yourself. I'm sealed inside you by the dying actions of the Fourth. Those marks on your belly, they are the seal holding me here. Or did you think the villagers throw rocks and spit on you for some great crime you committed in the seven measly years you've been living? **

"They hate me because of you?"

**"No, your personality just stinks. Of course that's the reason!"**

"Then get out! Go away and leave me alone!"

**"Why didn't I think of that? Well, I'll just be on my way then."** The Kyuubi's overly sweet voice suddenly changed to a roar. His eyes lit up with anger and his fur flared with orange fire, the bars between then casting harsh shadows across Naruto. **"Oh wait, I'M A PRISONER! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!"**

Watching Naruto shying away, Kyuubi yanked his emotions back under control, pacing a quick circle before addressing Naruto again.

**But in a way it's worse than that. The damn jutsu the Fourth used didn't just seal me in. I wouldn't all fit into one little human kit. It tried, and pieces squeezed out. It scattered me across the worlds."**

"The worlds?" Naruto's voice was breathless.

**"Yes, brat. There are more worlds than just this one, each with its own crazy god or goddess tinkering with things."**

"How do you know all this?

**"I'm a demon, brat. When you're a demon you learn about these things. In a way, learning about these things is what makes you a demon."**

"I don't understand."

**"No, but you might be able to if you work with me."**

"Why should I help you?" Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the demon suspiciously. "I know you tried to destroy our village, and if the Fourth locked you up here, why should I let you out? You should be paying me rent!"

**"Setting aside the fact that if I weren't here they wouldn't have a reason to hate you?"** The old fox chuckled as Naruto blinked in consideration. **"I can help you become Hokage. I can help you gain the respect you desire, and I would be willing to swear to leave you, your village and this world alone if you aid me."**

Naruto frowned slightly, uncrossing his arms.

"And what do you want from me, damn fox?"

Kyuubi grinned.

**"You are going to help me pick up the pieces, and in the process, you are going to become the most over-qualified applicant for the position of Hokage that ever lived."**

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End part 1.

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	2. Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Naruto, any of the characters, or any of the fanfic I may or may not be hinting at in this story. This is a work of dark humor in parts, and as such should be read in a manner of one with tongue stuck firmly in cheek.

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A whimpering gasp escaped Naruto's mouth as he drew his kunai across his left palm for what must have been the hundredth time that day. The seasons had come and gone, shifting once through their yearly cycle since Naruto had first spoken to Kyuubi, and now summer found him standing in a forest clearing that had been stripped to the bare earth. It had taken eleven long months of training before Kyuubi judged him strong enough to perform the rite and proficient enough with the replication jutsu to proceed. Another month had been wasted in collecting or making the various items scattered around the clearing. Naruto took a moment to glance around at the various objects scattered around the clearing, surrounded by runes and sigils and connected by lines of power, all drawn in his own blood. The place reeked of blood.

**"Pay attention to what you are doing, brat. You're almost done. Don't screw it up now or you'll have to start over tomorrow."**

"Alright, alright! Geez, damn fox. I'm paying attention." Naruto turned his attention back to the last of the runes. "Hey, fox, what is an 'xover'?"

Naruto could feel the demon roll his eyes at the question.

**"It's a pastry, like a turnover, only it's filled with two different kinds of fruit that usually wouldn't go together."**

"Why is it here?"

**"Because the gods like it, probably more than is really good for them. That's the purpose of these things. It's to get in tune with the gods, their way of thinking, so we can open a doorway into the in-between."**

"So, 'shipping' is here because..."

**"Yes, because the gods like boats and spend endless hours discussing them."**

"How about 'teh'?

**"He's the ancient Nubian god of clumsiness."**

"Really?"

**"No. Not really, but it would take too long to explain."**

"Stupid fox." Naruto grumbled, crossing his arms and looking sullen. "So I guess 'comma' is here because the gods like being unconscious."

**"That would be a coma, you moron. This is the punctuation mark like the ones you carved."**

"Those things? But...but we put them all the way over there! Shouldn't they be over here?"

**"No. They're fine there."**

"But they're in the wrong place!"

**"Exactly. You just have to know the gods to understand."**

"The baseball glove with a hole in it?" Hoping he could understand something of this conversation, Naruto changed the topic.

**"That's a pun, through and threw."**

Naruto could hear the laughter in the Kyuubi's voice, knew there was a joke there, but still found himself at a loss. He drooped in defeat.

"I just don't get it."

**"Look, you can stand around looking confused while I attempt to explain things you won't understand, or you can light the sacrificial fire and begin the rite."**

"Right."

**"That's what I said."**

Naruto ignored him, moving forward to the central piece of the pattern: a large bonfire atop which sat a wooden toy he had carved himself. It was a little, two-wheeled cart with a long, black tube resting on top. Resting with the wagon-hitch against the pile of wood, the black tube stuck up into the air.

"Hey, old fox, why are we burning the tube-cart. It seems a shame..."

**"It's not a 'tube-cart', whatever that is. It's a cannon. That's a model of a weapon that throws large projectiles."**

"OK, so why are we burning the cannon?"

**"It's a time-honored way of starting an adventure like this."** Kyuubi could feel the boy's puzzlement and just sighed. **"Look, it's not really a caNNon, but a symbol for the caNon, or the authoritative source. Got it?"**

"Yeah, kinda. So, we're burning a symbol to represent the burning of the real thing. But, wouldn't it be better to burn the right symbol? It's spelled wrong and all..."

**"For the most part, most won't even notice, and those that do will find it amusing, so it really doesn't matter. They're pretty similar anyway. Whenever either is pulled out, it gets loud and dangerous, and most agree that both are pretty authoritative."**

"So you're saying that we're burning the cannon as a symbol of the canon because it's important to the ritual and that it doesn't really matter if the cannon is a cannon or a canon because even if its spelled cannon or canon, the gods will accept it as a symbol for canon."

**"..."**

"..."

**"Who's on first."**

"What?"

**"He's on second. Who's on first."**

"I don't know."

**"Third base!"**

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

**"AND YOU NEVER WILL UNLESS YOU START THE DAMN RITUAL! NOW LIGHT THE DAMN FIRE!!"**

"Fine!" Naruto stomped forward, grumbling, and lit the fire at the center of the clearing. As the little flames licked up through the kindling, a cold chill passed through him. Suddenly serious, he knelt in front of the small, nondescript pebbles Kyuubi had instructed him to use as the gate key. He felt strangely excited, as if he had walked into a faerie garden by accident. It was a surreal feeling that gripped him; a feeling of constant de ja vu. He waited, heart pounding.

**"Now, brat."** Even the demon sounded subdued.

Naruto's hands flashed through the signs, twenty one in all. He had been drilling them in his sleep with Kyuubi and during the free moments of his waking day for over a year, so he flew through them without mistake. The center of the fire became brighter and brighter until it was a searing glare far too brilliant to look at directly. Then, with a twisting pop of the 'what is', the fabric of reality pulled back, parting like the cloth between two buttons when stretched. A howling wind sprung up as the surrounding air rushed into the gate. Laughing uproariously, Naruto leapt about in excitement.

"I did it! Did you see? I did it!"

**"Good job, brat. Now close it before it gets dangerous."**

"Aww, it's just a bit of wind."

**"It's not so much the wind."** A small bolt of electricity leapt from the gate, striking Naruto in the shoulder, knocking him down, stunned. **It's the static discharge that comes with it. Hurry!"**

As another bolt arced overhead and laced into a nearby tree, Naruto scrambled forward to sweep the stones out of position. The gate snapped shut as if it had never been. He just lay there panting for a few minutes, enjoying the feeling of being alive.

**"So, are you ready to send one through?"**

"Heh-heh. Yeah. Let's do this!" Rolling up to his feet, Naruto walked to the edge of the clearing, taking out his kunai as he went. As he reached the tree line, he again drew his own blood, scattering it across the forest floor. Then, quickly, he flashed a few more complicated hand signs.

"Replicant no Jutsu!" At the cry, the vegetation melted in to a soupy goo that flowed together to form an exact replica of Naruto.

"Do you know what to do?" the original asked.

"I am an almost completely autonomous replicant with my own set of chakra coils designed for long-range operation over the span of years. I am to pass through the gate you open to an alternate world to secure the local fragment of Kyuubi. Once that goal is achieved, I am to integrate into local society and gather information and resources. I am to return when the gate again appears."

"Very good. OK then." The Narutos walked back to the center of the clearing. The original spread out 16 pebbles in order. "When you're ready."

The replicant nodded, and as the gate opened, darted through it quickly before it again closed.

"I'm tired, old fox."

**"Just think how tired you'll be once you start integrating their memories. Come on. Let's go home and get some rest."**

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End Part 2.

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	3. Chapter 3

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Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Naruto, any of the characters, or any of the fanfic I may or may not be hinting at in this story. This is a work of dark humor in parts, and as such should be read in a manner of one with tongue stuck firmly in cheek.

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Naruto looked around him as the gate winked shut behind him. Expecting to be walking back into the clearing he had left from so many years ago, he was surprised to find himself standing in a large, vaulted stone room with a packed earth floor. The walls were lined with crates, boxes, barrels and racks of weapons and tools. It looked like the warehouse of a Hollywood movie lot.

"19763, I presume?" Naruto's eyes snapped to the source of the voice. Prime was sitting behind a large oaken desk, clad in a black kimono embroidered with orange vines. Beside an open ledger in front of him sprawled a miniature Kyuubi, no larger than a normal fox, but with the nine tails waving languidly behind him. A number of other Naruto's stood around the desk in various forms of attire.

**At last.** The voice of the Kyuubi contained inside him sounded exasperated. It was the first time he had spoken since being pulled from the body of the Naruto of his target world.

Straightening his school uniform, he plastered a cocky grin on his face and started forward.

"That's right. I like what you've done with the place. Did you get a loan from Old Man Hokage?"

Prime laughed at that, answering in a distracted voice as he made a note in his ledger.

"No, 1567 actually won the ninja lottery in his world and brought back a bunch of ninja gold with him."

"What the hell is a ninja lottery?" An older clone wearing brown clothes and a NASA flight jacket blurted out from where he was leaning against the desk.

"Well, to the best of my understanding, it's like the ninja toothpaste he had in his kit. It's the same damn thing, just with 'ninja' stuck in front of it." He looked around at the replicants with a big smile. "They had ninja underwear, ninja postmen, ninja dogs to chase the ninja postmen... The best was the ninja condoms - 'When you want to come and go without leaving a trace.' That world was a riot."

There was a pattering of scattered laughter from the replicants.

"OK, let's get to business. Number...12945, how about you go first?"

"The Kyuubi of my world has been retrieved successfully. I didn't get much tangible - I've got this flying cloud, a pole that extends as far as you want, and a collapsible car. The world I existed in was one populated by humans, aliens and anthropomorphic animals. I was constantly doing battle with ever more powerful opponents throughout the course of my stay."

"Then you learned some good combat techniques."

"Not really. They were more powerful, not more effective."

"I don't understand."

"Well, for example, my first fight..."

&&&

_"Oh yeah?! I'll show you! Let's fight!" The monkey-tailed, spiky-haired bastard that had stolen his ramen wanted a fight, so Naruto figured he'd give him his fight._

"Heh. You don't know what you're in for, do you? Take this! Kamehah..." Naruto's opponent scrunched up his face in effort and a small ball of light started to take form in his hands. Naruto readied to dodge the attack, and then blinked as the other guy continued.

"meHAH..." Naruto sauntered up to the guy.

Poke.

"MEH-OW! What was that? You poked me in the eye! You can't do that! You have to give me time to" Poke. "-OW! That's my other eye! What do you think-" Naruto belted him full in the face. "Gahh! My nobe! You broge my nobe! I can't belibe you broge my-" The foot to his groin finally cut off his whining. He fell to the ground whimpering. Naruto squatted beside him.

"You were saying?"

"Ungle. Ungle."

"That's right! Heh-heh! Teach you to steal ramen!"

"You'll ged yours! Somebwon stwonger den me will be by soon!"

"Oh really? Are his attacks so powerful that they take as long as yours to power up?"

"Longer!"

"Great! Here's my card. I'm taking night classes at DeVry on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I'm open any other night. Just have them drop by. You won't be needing this pole or cloud, will you?"  
  
&&&

"You're kidding." Prime sounded shocked.

"No, really! When the really 'strong' ones started coming by, I switched my duel site to outside of my local Starbucks. I would hit them with a poison needle right from the beginning. Then while they went into their powering-up monologue, which always began with something like 'Do you think a pinprick like that can hurt me?', I would go get some coffee. By the time I finished my latte, the guy would have keeled over from the poison, mouth still open! I did manage to pick up a couple of things that might be useful against fortifications, stuck cars and grannies in walkers - you know, anything non-mobile, but that's it."

"OK, thank you. Um...23671." At the sound of the number, Naruto watched a replicant dressed in black pants, a burgundy shirt and dark vest stroll casually up to the desk. He was sheathed blade in his right hand.

"My world was very similar to the original, only the target Naruto had been driven out at age six. I recovered the Kyuubi fragment and took his place growing up in glacier country."

"Did you meet Yuriko-chan there?" The voice came out of the crowd of replicants. It belonged to a Naruto wearing lime-green pants, a zebra-striped shirt open to his navel and lots of gold chains. "I liked spending time with her. Her toes had this way of curling up when I did this thing with my..." 23671 hastily interrupted.

"Anyway, as I was saying, I grew up in glacier country during war time. I specialized in sword work and assassination. I've brought a large amount of currency and some weapons you might find interesting. Here you go, this is Raijin-no-ken." He flourished the sword dramatically.

"Oh good." Prime waved his hand off to the right. "Just put it in the barrel with the others."

"Huh?"

"I think that makes sixteen so far, right?" Kyuubi nodded with little energy.

"I have a summoning contract with the wolf clan."

"Do you have the scroll?"

"It's a tattoo." He bared his forearm, revealing it. "Give me your hand and I'll transfer it."

Naruto watched in fascination as the tattoo crawled down the replicant's arm and across Prime's skin.

"I also have this." 23671 pulled out a ribbon on the end of a handle. Prime looked puzzled.

"You were into rhythmic gymnastics?"

With a crackle, the ribbon stiffened into a chakra blade, the tip hovering just beyond the tip of Prime's nose.

"Neat light saber, Anakin. Can you do the cool Jedi mind tricks too?" The replicant in the NASA jacket smirked as he said it, seemingly completely unfazed by the display.

"Thank you, 23671. That's enough. Just leave that there. 1009, since you're already here..."

"Faster than light technology, information on wormholes stuck in my head and Sakura-chan!" he said, pulling a small pistol from its holster.

"Pure peace-keeper technology. I even painted the sights pink. Hinata-chan showed me how to use it while we wandered around lost in space."

"What does it fire?"

"Little yellow bolts of light." he replied, firing it into the air. The clones scattered as the bolt ricocheted around the room, finally spanging off of the Hammer of Thor and into the floor.

"Sorry."

"That's OK. I see why you call it Sakura-chan. 6969?"

Lime-green pants stepped up.

"Boy, that yellow thing moved faster than me! I didn't bring anything good, but I did bag everything in Konoha."

"OK, that's..."

"TWICE! Then I worked my way through Suna."

"OK, I get..."

"I had to bring Sakura and Ino on the trip so I could keep in practice, know what I mean?"

"Yes, I get..."

"When we got there I traded Sakura-chan with Garra for Temari-chan, so I could have some sweet blonde-blonde sandw-"

"YES! THANK YOU! THAT'S O-K! I get the picture. Wait over there. Farther."

"OK, 8871." Naruto blushed as 8871 came forward. Prime hadn't looked up from his ledger yet, but when he did, he stopped cold.

"OK, why don't you...OK. I know I'm going to regret asking this, but...Why are you in a leather g-string, chaps and a bondage harness?"

The replicant in question looked at Prime with haunted eyes.

"Be-because I was Lee-kun's sex slave."

The only sound in the room was the crash of Raijin-no-ken falling from 23671's limp fingers into the barrel.

"For seven long years I was...with...Fuzzy Eyebrows." His eye twitched as he spoke.

"Sweet kami, I'm sorry. Look, Jiraya has been recruiting from some of the more sex-crazed worlds recently. He's got three nymphomaniac Sakura's, a belly-dancing Temari and a really good Hinata dominatrix in his stables. If you'd like, I could arrange..." Prime's voice slowly died off as 8871 shook his head slowly.

"Just...just finish it."

Prime opened his mouth, then closed it with his eyes.

"OK. Here." He handed 8871 a kunai. "Let me brace myself first. OK, do it."

8871 drove the kunai into his heart and reverted back to a fine, black dirt, which settled to the ground with a gentle hiss, burying his clothes, what there was of them, beneath a small mound. Naruto shivered. He was standing on black dirt. The floor was covered in dead replicants.

_That's going to be me today. _

The piece of Kyuubi that was in the replicant drifted along like a little, orange firefly, circling the fox on the desk before finally coming to settle on its fur and merge. Prime, for his part, was face-down on his desk, panting. When he sat up, his face was haggard. Reaching into a drawer, he drew out a bottle of sake and a cup. His hands were shaking so hard the porcelain chattered together as he poured.

"No matter how bad it gets, remember there is always someone else worse off." He drank as nods came from around the room.

"All right." He said shakily. "19763. A uniform. School or military?"

Naruto stepped forward.

"School. My world was very peaceful. The Kyuubi fragment was killing the target Naruto, and it was an easy task to replace him in the hospital and stage a full recovery. I did manage to get a kiss from Hinata-chan, though."

"Just a kiss?" 6969 piped up again.

"Well, it wasn't easy. You see, at first I didn't know she liked me. I liked Sakura, and she liked Sasuke, who liked me of all people. And when I did notice her, my best friend Kiba liked her too, so we had to keep it a secret, and I didn't know if this meant I wasn't good enough to be seen in public with her, or if she really liked Kiba more than me or...and then Sasuke got jealous and ... and ... and it suddenly occurs to me that no one here really cares, do they?"

"No." "Nope." "Not me." "Got it." "Was it at least a french kiss?" smack! "Shut up!" "Shhh!" "Yeah! Don't get him started again!"

Naruto was mortified, but not for long.

"So, it's about that time. Here, pass these out." Prime had pulled out a bundle of kunai from his desk and handed them across to Naruto. Hiding his unease, he handed them out to the other replicants, keeping one in his shaking hands for himself.

"OK, everybody ready?"

"Yes, Prime." everyone chorused back. Naruto made his lips say the words. They felt numb, deadened by the sound of his own voice. He glanced around. None of the others were hesitating. Taking a deep breath, he raised the kunai so the point rested above his heart. He closed his eyes.

"On the count of three. One, two, three." The sound of four piles of dirt sliding to the floor sounded loud in his ears.

"19763?" The question in Prime's gentle voice made his eyes snap open.

"I...I don't want to go. It was all going so well. I had finally worked up the courage to confess, and we kissed under the pledging tree. My grades were OK, but I had friends, and kendo and..." Prime stood and walked over to him. Deep down, Naruto knew he had to go, and something in him wanted to do what Prime said, but he just couldn't make his arms move. He gasped as he felt a tear roll down his cheek.

"Naruto." Naruto stared in shock at the way Prime addressed him. "Do you need help?"

Wordlessly, Naruto nodded. Closing his eyes, he felt Prime's hand close on his over the kunai. He felt a pinprick on his chest, and then 19763 returned to the earth.

"I didn't like that." Naruto slowly placed the kunai on his desk.

**"I never said it was going to be pleasant."** Kyuubi stood, yawning. He took in Naruto's disturbed expression and, with a mental sigh, jumped down from the desk. **"Look, partner, he was just a shadow. If you are going to do this, you have to learn not to get attached."**

Naruto looked at Kyuubi askance.

"Partner'? What's with the Ahz and Skeeve routine, Kyuubi-san?"

**"You're just out of sorts because of Lee-kun's little pet."**

"Gah. Don't remind me." He shuddered as they both started out of the room. "After all those memories of sleeping with Sasuke and Gara, you would think I'd be immune to being traumatized."

**"It's what, somewhere around half of the worlds?"**

"Around that."

**"Naruto-san, no matter how jaded you get, you never become immune to trauma. The gods can be very creative. Remember that." **

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End Part 3

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	4. Chapter 4

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Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Naruto, any of the characters, or any of the fanfic I may or may not be hinting at in this story. This is a work of dark humor in parts, and as such should be read in a manner of one with tongue stuck firmly in cheek.

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"Ritsuko-san and Washu-san have made great progress integrating the AG jump systems and the hyper-dense storage cubes into the newest mechs." Kyuubi merely nodded slightly in my direction as he trotted along the corridor beside me.

**"You seem pleased by it.'**

Then why don't I feel that way?

"Hokage-sama!" We both paused to watch Yugito-taicho approach hurriedly with Nibi-san perched on her shoulder. As she drew close, she knelt, head bent and fist to the floor.

"I bear important news, Hokage-sama."  
_"It's important, Naruto!"  
"Great tidings, Naruto-sama!"  
"Let me tell you something, brat…"  
"Koibito, I have something to tell you."_

Nibi-san spared both the fox and I a glance, and simply yawned. Kyuubi rolled his eyes and I smothered a chuckle.

"What news, Taicho?"  
_"The imperial forces have found us! We have to flee!"  
"We trapped the rebels in the cliffs north of Glacier! They surrendered…"  
"There is no way I am ever going to forgive…"  
"You're going to be a father, Koibito…"_

"We trapped the rebels in the cliffs north of Glacier! They surrendered to the 7th walker regiment. Glacier is ours." The excitement and pride in her voice made me smile. It was like watching a small child giving her most recent crayon creation to her father for his birthday.

"That is good news! With this, the continent is ours. Commend the 7th, and issue leave and bonuses for a job well done. You too, Yugito-san. You did well. Rest and recover now. We have other continents to look at tomorrow."

She rose before me, grinning.

"Yes, Hokage-sama! Hokage-sama? There is one thing that puzzles me. How did you know that they would be there?"

_"We can use these caves to hide." Yuki-hime said, panting.  
"It's the imperial forces! They've taken the cave entrance!"  
"Heh. The best way to capture these caves is to…"  
"We'll use these caves as a base of operations. They're pretty well hidden, so…"  
_

"My spy network is first rate. Just ask Ibiki-san."

"Of course, Hokage-sama." She put her hand to her heart in salute and made a little bow, taking me at my word. "By your leave then."

She was gone in a swirl of air before my hand-wave was even completed.

**"Oh, such news of great portent! I wonder how she could contain herself!"**

I chuckled at Kyuubi's sarcasm. "Give her a break. She's still new at this. It's all still exciting for her."

And there, as I reached the doors to my personal quarters, it was. Or wasn't, as the case may be. 

As I opened the door, I found Hinata and Sakura settling into position to welcome me home in those thin, gauzy gowns that concealed without hiding anything. We exchanged the normal pleasantries before I had them precede me onto the balcony. Even after all of the times I had seen them, on all of the worlds I had seen them, I never got tired of watching them move. The knelt to either side of my chair as I took my seat, and I stroked their hair gently with either hand.

I liked my balcony. I could look out over the Konoha of today and compare it to all of the other places I had seen. It was a different place from the Konoha of my childhood. It was more mechanized, more industrial. It still held a part of its old charm, but there were more buildings in stone, steel and concrete than ever before, and the roads were paved with self-healing asphalt. A heavy lifter grumbled through the sky not too far off, the harmonics of its AG drives making the stone beneath my feet shiver slightly in sympathy. I looked to it and beyond, to the Hokage monument. My face was there, now, carved higher and larger than the others, but I didn't find it as satisfying as I thought I would.

With a sigh, I realized there was only one person to talk to who might understand.

"Hey, Kyuubi-san. I'm bored."

**"Pleased to meet you, your holiness."** Kyuubi replied from where he was stretched out on the railing, trapped in a sunbeam.

"No, I'm serious. It's been weighing on my mind recently. I'm the Hokage. We've conquered the continent, opened up space, put to use technology we don't even fully understand. I have their respect, whether from love or fear, just like you said I would, but, it all seems so…hollow. So washed out, like a faded picture."

Kyuubi sighed.

**"Naruto-san, how old are you?"**

"I'm twenty, twenty-one in five months."

**"No, not chronologically. Subjectively. How old are you subjectively. Add up all of your memories."**

"Ummm, around 14,000, give or take an aeon." The result of my quick mental math surprised me a little. I hadn't realized just how much it was adding up.

**"I'm around 84,000 years old at this point. I've visited many worlds, seen many suns. I've even poked my nose into some very tiny micro-worlds and have had conversations with the gods themselves."**

"You've spoken to the gods? I only bumped into one briefly, and it was weird." My memories from that replicant were very strong. Instead of finding a strange new world, he stepped out into a vast white void of nothingness, populated only by a twittery woman who seemed interested in asking him if he would rather end up with Hinata or Sakura.

**"Usually they want to know how their writing is, or if I like such-and-such? Big empty white place?"** He took in my nod and continued. **"That's an 'author's note'. They sometimes create these little pocket places to indulge their own egos or for whatever reason, but that's not important right now."**

"My point is, after you live for as long as we have, after you see everything we've seen, these paltry shadows, these unaware dreams of possibilities start to lose their importance. The trappings most worlds consider important - wealth, power, complicated tools and strange technology - after a while, they lose their fascination and watching people scrambling after them is like watching little children fighting over cheap glass beads."

"Is this how you see me?" His perspective on things disturbed me. It's not that I didn't think he was right, but rather it bothered me in the way that finding a picture of yourself dancing half naked with a lampshade on your head would. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but looking back on it later, you wonder what you were thinking.

**"Everyone takes time to grow up, Naruto-san. I made allowances. But really, how many Raijin-no-ken's do you need?"** He snickered a little at my expression as images of the crates of swords in the storeroom passed through my head. **"This is why demons are known as being wild and violent. Each individual shadow mean less and less, and we take bigger and bigger risks, doing outrageous things in order to find something worth doing."**

He popped his head up to stare at me cagily. **"Tell you what, partner. When this is all done, let's find ourselves a nice quiet river to live on for a while. We can get ourselves a riverboat! You can be the captain living with your wife and mistress, and I'll be a wild, red-haired gambler who'll cheat passengers out of their money, and when they're all out of that, I'll win a night with their wives and we can both have a good laugh watching them figure out how to deal with that in the morning. It'll add that little bit of notoriety we'll need to keep things interesting. Someplace good, too. Not too harsh, not too soft, so that we can toughen up the black haired one and let the pink haired one blossom a little. It'll do them both good. You know, Pinky really hasn't been the same since you asked the man with the broad-brimmed hat to nod over Oto."**

No, she hadn't, but I only had so much patience. I had brought Sasuke back like I promised once, but his pride would not let him stay. When he ran the second time, I let him go, and when Oto had been consumed in a flash of atomic fire, he died along with it. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, for Sasuke really had loved me in so many worlds. I took in Sakura out of kindness. I could understand her better than anyone. Hinata, well, Hinata was never in any doubt. She was there, throughout the worlds, as a relative constant. Sakura…I had to train her, to be honest, just to get her functioning again. It seemed to work, or at least she seemed content.

"You should call them by their names."

**"No. I don't want to get attached to the shadows. It's a lesson you will have to learn sooner or later. Demons like us can't afford to get too connected to any one shadow."**

"What do you mean 'like us'?" I replied with a shaky laugh. He just stared hard at me.

**"Naruto-san, what is a demon?"**

"A big, powerful entity who has been around for a long time…who is just short of a god, and…" I trailed off. I had never really thought much about it. A demon is a demon, right? They sort of define themselves, or so I had thought.

**"You don't really know, do you? Big and powerful, well, if it was up to big and powerful, what was I doing getting sealed? It's not a requirement, nor is great intelligence. The first comes in time, the second is rare. Old? We both meet that requirement. Just short of a god? Think about what that really means. The gods create. We can't create, but we are aware of the process. As you have been collecting fragments of me, you have also been collecting fragments of yourself. All those memories, all those viewpoints, siphoned into one being."**

"We are like two normal people at a dance for the deaf. We can hear the music, so even though we can't call the tune, we can dance the steps we want to while the rest stumble along as best they can. We are aware that the worlds are just shadows, dreams, and as we collect ourselves up, we become unique – we cast no shadows! "

"That is why you can't get too attached. The shadows will pass while we continue on. We will meet them again and again, but they won't be the same shadow, just another reflection of the same slumbering dreamer. The only ones worth the time are the other demons. If you want to awaken one to go with you, I would rouse the dark haired one. Her word is firm and strong. The tangibles mean nothing out beyond the in-between. Honor, your word, your love…these are the only things one can really carry with them, or trade away. They are the only things of value out there."  


I didn't know what to say to that, so I didn't for a while. It was a lot to accept, but I was used to that.

"So that's why you asked me to live on a river with you. Well, that and because the gods like boats."

His jaw hinged low in a silent laugh.

**"That's right, brat, and they talk about them endlessly. Then perhaps we can find a young world and see how fast a wooly mammoth can run. But first we have to pick up the pieces."**

"We have time. All the time in the world, and then some." I tilted my head back, enjoying the feel of Hinata's hair beneath my hand, and sifted through my memories while I waited.

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End Part 4 - Final part.

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